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Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Le Couple
Author: Ruth Platt-Stavrik
As midnight passed on New Year’s Eve and 2010 began, I looked at my husband sitting beside me, thought about our two children sleeping upstairs and realised that we’d been married for the best part of a decade, and that we’re still speaking to each other. As I am English and he is Macedonian I felt that this achievement was perhaps even greater than usual, having had cultural barriers to cross and linguistic misunderstandings to clear up, not to mention having only one grandparent, my father, in England where we live, to help with that elusive pot of gold, free childcare. I have often thought about the advantages and disadvantages of marrying a man from the Balkans as opposed to a man from the UK, and though perhaps my husband is not a typical Balkan man, if there is such a thing, there have certainly been aspects of our marriage that have been shaped by his Macedonian-ness. Here is a guide to the most positive of those influences:
1] You learn to dress warmly and discover the deadly influence of the draught
On my first trip to Skopje I was taken by my new husband to the underwear shop. For silk lingerie I wondered? No, for thermal vests. My husband, horrified by my skimpy jumpers that left an inch of bare skin exposed on my lower back, taught me to tuck my vest into knickers in a way I had abandoned since the age of 8. I haven’t quite got used to this practice, but have to concede in really cold climates it is probably a must. I have definitely learned to keep my lower back covered at least – gone are the skimpy tops [though that is also due to the havoc wreaked on my body since having two children]. As for the deadliness of the draught, it has been explained to me, with geometrical precision, the way a draught can turn into a dangerous phenomenon if someone is caught between two open windows or doors. This can cause anything from a sore throat to cardiac arrest. I am not yet convinced, but am very careful not to say so in certain circles in the Balkans. It may damage my reputation beyond repair [if that hasn’t happened already].
2] A man brought up under communism knows the importance of thrift
Ok, this can be annoying when every supermarket purchase is questioned in terms of whether it is necessary for basic survival [forget about posh shampoo or expensive coffee] but actually often very refreshing in a culture where excess and throwing away things you’re tired of is the norm. If one of our children’s toys break, my husband tries to fix it. If a pair of shoes look worn, my husband tries to get them re-heeled. Landfills in England are overflowing with rubbish. I have to admit that just not buying so much stuff is environmentally, as well as economically, sound.
3] You get a new perspective on world history
I’m not going to mention Greece. Except to say all our friends have been told about Alexander the Macedonian. They also now know that World War II was won by the Russians, not the British, and all about Operation Barbarossa. My husband’s education with regards to world history is superior to mine, and to most in the UK. At school the sum of my state-school history education can be reduced to Aborigine Dream Time and the six wives of Henry VIII. My husband’s seemed to include everything from the chronological conquests of Genghis Khan to Field Marshal Montgomery’s victories in North Africa and the origins of the SAS. The marriage has been educational. I in turn have tried to share some information on Romantic Poets of the nineteenth century but this for some reason has fallen on deaf ears. Can’t think why.
4] You don’t have to wonder what a Balkan man is thinking
He tells you. An Englishman has been brought up to withhold his emotions, to keep everything inside, whereas if my husband is annoyed about something he can do the cold silence thing for about five minutes before bursting into protest, be it about the fact that I never fold the sheets in the airing cupboard or that I still haven’t filled in my tax return, or about the fact that he was angry with me for being angry with him for coming home late from work. Again. Research shows that couples who argue have healthier marriages and are more likely to stay together [I’m not making it up, honestly]. We do argue, but we do usually come up with solutions and compromises following an argument, which I think is a whole lot better than never talking about problems.
5] The importance of extended family
I am not that close to my brother or sisters. I am close to my father but my mother died a few years ago after a long illness so I never had a proper adult relationship with her. Although it has been difficult to go to Macedonia since we have had young children, we intend to go much more regularly as they get older. I see how close-knit my husband’s family are and how loyal they are to each other. I admire it. My husband has helped me to get closer to my own brother and sister, and now our children are close to their cousins as a result. This summer we are going on holiday with my husband’s family. It is an ongoing adaptation for me, but a good one.
5 ½ ] Military service
This is obviously not relevant to younger generations, but I think Military service had a profound effect on my husband. For a start, he knows how to iron. It is also to blame for his obsession with folding things neatly [like sheets] which is a bit annoying. However I think it
gave him strength and independence at a young age. I think he is tougher than his English counterparts, who wouldn’t know what to do if they had to put a tent up in the rain, or drive across Serbia without getting killed by mad bus drivers overtaking on a bend, or if a burglar broke into the house. Two men tried to climb in our bedroom window a few years ago. I woke my husband up and he moved towards the window like a rabid dog. The very sight of him made them run for their lives as he let out a deep menacing laugh as they ran. He was effectively terrifying. Then he went back to bed and fell asleep within minutes. [I, on the other hand, rang the police.] He also knows how to dismantle an AK47 in under a minute, though I admit this hasn’t come in handy yet.
6] The accent
They say that the French language is the most beautiful in the world. The French accent certainly is not. English spoken with a French accent sounds like a cat trying to talk through dental braces. I loved my husband’s accent from the start. Yes, he does always sound like he has just woken up, but his accent will always make me go weak at the knees. Except when he’s telling me to fold the sheets in the airing cupboard, maybe.
Author: Ruth Platt-Stavrik
As midnight passed on New Year’s Eve and 2010 began, I looked at my husband sitting beside me, thought about our two children sleeping upstairs and realised that we’d been married for the best part of a decade, and that we’re still speaking to each other. As I am English and he is Macedonian I felt that this achievement was perhaps even greater than usual, having had cultural barriers to cross and linguistic misunderstandings to clear up, not to mention having only one grandparent, my father, in England where we live, to help with that elusive pot of gold, free childcare. I have often thought about the advantages and disadvantages of marrying a man from the Balkans as opposed to a man from the UK, and though perhaps my husband is not a typical Balkan man, if there is such a thing, there have certainly been aspects of our marriage that have been shaped by his Macedonian-ness. Here is a guide to the most positive of those influences:
1] You learn to dress warmly and discover the deadly influence of the draught
On my first trip to Skopje I was taken by my new husband to the underwear shop. For silk lingerie I wondered? No, for thermal vests. My husband, horrified by my skimpy jumpers that left an inch of bare skin exposed on my lower back, taught me to tuck my vest into knickers in a way I had abandoned since the age of 8. I haven’t quite got used to this practice, but have to concede in really cold climates it is probably a must. I have definitely learned to keep my lower back covered at least – gone are the skimpy tops [though that is also due to the havoc wreaked on my body since having two children]. As for the deadliness of the draught, it has been explained to me, with geometrical precision, the way a draught can turn into a dangerous phenomenon if someone is caught between two open windows or doors. This can cause anything from a sore throat to cardiac arrest. I am not yet convinced, but am very careful not to say so in certain circles in the Balkans. It may damage my reputation beyond repair [if that hasn’t happened already].
2] A man brought up under communism knows the importance of thrift
Ok, this can be annoying when every supermarket purchase is questioned in terms of whether it is necessary for basic survival [forget about posh shampoo or expensive coffee] but actually often very refreshing in a culture where excess and throwing away things you’re tired of is the norm. If one of our children’s toys break, my husband tries to fix it. If a pair of shoes look worn, my husband tries to get them re-heeled. Landfills in England are overflowing with rubbish. I have to admit that just not buying so much stuff is environmentally, as well as economically, sound.
3] You get a new perspective on world history
I’m not going to mention Greece. Except to say all our friends have been told about Alexander the Macedonian. They also now know that World War II was won by the Russians, not the British, and all about Operation Barbarossa. My husband’s education with regards to world history is superior to mine, and to most in the UK. At school the sum of my state-school history education can be reduced to Aborigine Dream Time and the six wives of Henry VIII. My husband’s seemed to include everything from the chronological conquests of Genghis Khan to Field Marshal Montgomery’s victories in North Africa and the origins of the SAS. The marriage has been educational. I in turn have tried to share some information on Romantic Poets of the nineteenth century but this for some reason has fallen on deaf ears. Can’t think why.
4] You don’t have to wonder what a Balkan man is thinking
He tells you. An Englishman has been brought up to withhold his emotions, to keep everything inside, whereas if my husband is annoyed about something he can do the cold silence thing for about five minutes before bursting into protest, be it about the fact that I never fold the sheets in the airing cupboard or that I still haven’t filled in my tax return, or about the fact that he was angry with me for being angry with him for coming home late from work. Again. Research shows that couples who argue have healthier marriages and are more likely to stay together [I’m not making it up, honestly]. We do argue, but we do usually come up with solutions and compromises following an argument, which I think is a whole lot better than never talking about problems.
5] The importance of extended family
I am not that close to my brother or sisters. I am close to my father but my mother died a few years ago after a long illness so I never had a proper adult relationship with her. Although it has been difficult to go to Macedonia since we have had young children, we intend to go much more regularly as they get older. I see how close-knit my husband’s family are and how loyal they are to each other. I admire it. My husband has helped me to get closer to my own brother and sister, and now our children are close to their cousins as a result. This summer we are going on holiday with my husband’s family. It is an ongoing adaptation for me, but a good one.
5 ½ ] Military service
This is obviously not relevant to younger generations, but I think Military service had a profound effect on my husband. For a start, he knows how to iron. It is also to blame for his obsession with folding things neatly [like sheets] which is a bit annoying. However I think it
gave him strength and independence at a young age. I think he is tougher than his English counterparts, who wouldn’t know what to do if they had to put a tent up in the rain, or drive across Serbia without getting killed by mad bus drivers overtaking on a bend, or if a burglar broke into the house. Two men tried to climb in our bedroom window a few years ago. I woke my husband up and he moved towards the window like a rabid dog. The very sight of him made them run for their lives as he let out a deep menacing laugh as they ran. He was effectively terrifying. Then he went back to bed and fell asleep within minutes. [I, on the other hand, rang the police.] He also knows how to dismantle an AK47 in under a minute, though I admit this hasn’t come in handy yet.6] The accent
They say that the French language is the most beautiful in the world. The French accent certainly is not. English spoken with a French accent sounds like a cat trying to talk through dental braces. I loved my husband’s accent from the start. Yes, he does always sound like he has just woken up, but his accent will always make me go weak at the knees. Except when he’s telling me to fold the sheets in the airing cupboard, maybe.
You know those folks who seem to have it all together? They're not perfectionists (far from it). Instead, experts say, they follow a few simple rules.
By Sarah Stebbins
1. Walk away from bargains
Just because you can buy a cashmere sweater for $20 or three bottles of ketchup for the price of one doesn't mean you should. "Ask, 'Do I have something similar?' and 'Where am I going to store it?' before making a purchase," advises New York City professional organizer Julie Morgenstern, author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life.
2. Make peace with imperfection
Efficient people give "A-level effort" to the most important projects (say, work assignments or a kitchen redesign), and for the rest they do just enough to get the job done, says Renae Reinardy, PsyD, a psychologist who specializes in hoarding disorders. Maybe you give yourself permission to bring store-bought cookies to a school bake sale or donate a bag of stuff—unsorted!—to Goodwill. "Trying to do every task perfectly is the easiest way to get bogged down," says Reinardy.
3. Never label anything "miscellaneous"
You put a bunch of things into a file or box and write this catchall across the front. "But within a week you've forgotten what's in there," says Morgenstern. Instead, sort items into specific groups—"electric bills," "lightbulbs," and so on.
4. Schedule regular decluttering sessions
Rather than wait until an industrious mood strikes (we all know where that leads), have a decluttering routine in place—whether it's spending 15 minutes sorting mail after work or tackling a new project every Sunday afternoon.
5. Stick with what works
"I have clients who will try every line of makeup, every cell phone—it's exhausting," says Dorothy Breininger, president of the Delphi Center for Organization. Don't waste time (and money) obsessively seeking out the best thing.
By Sarah Stebbins
1. Walk away from bargains
Just because you can buy a cashmere sweater for $20 or three bottles of ketchup for the price of one doesn't mean you should. "Ask, 'Do I have something similar?' and 'Where am I going to store it?' before making a purchase," advises New York City professional organizer Julie Morgenstern, author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life.
2. Make peace with imperfection
Efficient people give "A-level effort" to the most important projects (say, work assignments or a kitchen redesign), and for the rest they do just enough to get the job done, says Renae Reinardy, PsyD, a psychologist who specializes in hoarding disorders. Maybe you give yourself permission to bring store-bought cookies to a school bake sale or donate a bag of stuff—unsorted!—to Goodwill. "Trying to do every task perfectly is the easiest way to get bogged down," says Reinardy.
3. Never label anything "miscellaneous"
You put a bunch of things into a file or box and write this catchall across the front. "But within a week you've forgotten what's in there," says Morgenstern. Instead, sort items into specific groups—"electric bills," "lightbulbs," and so on.
4. Schedule regular decluttering sessions
Rather than wait until an industrious mood strikes (we all know where that leads), have a decluttering routine in place—whether it's spending 15 minutes sorting mail after work or tackling a new project every Sunday afternoon.
5. Stick with what works
"I have clients who will try every line of makeup, every cell phone—it's exhausting," says Dorothy Breininger, president of the Delphi Center for Organization. Don't waste time (and money) obsessively seeking out the best thing.
6. Create a dump zone
Find a space to corral all the stuff that you don't have time to put away the moment you step in the door, says Breininger. Once you're ready to get organized, you won't have to hunt all over the house for the dry cleaning or your child's field trip permission slip.
7. Ask for help
"The organized person is willing to expose herself to short-term embarrassment and call for backup," says Breininger. Which is to say, that elaborate four-course dinner you planned? Change it to a potluck.
8. Separate emotions from possessions
It's healthy to be attached to certain items—a vase you picked up in Paris, your grandmother's pearls. But holey concert tees or cheap, scuffed earrings your husband gave you years ago? Just let them go.
9. Foresee (and avoid) problems
You wouldn't leave the house on a gray day without an umbrella, right? People who appear to sail through life unruffled apply this thinking to every scenario, says Breininger. Have a cabinet packed with leaning towers of Tupperware? Organized folks will take a few minutes to short-circuit an avalanche before it happens. (In other words, rearranging that cupboard now is easier than chasing after wayward lids as they scatter underneath the fridge.)
10. Know where to donate
It's easier to part with belongings if they're going to a good home. Identify a neighbor's son who fits into your child's outgrown clothes, or choose a favorite charity. "It will save you from searching for the perfect recipient every time you need to unload something," says Morgenstern.
MSN
Monday, March 8, 2010
Endrju Tris u svojoj novoj knjizi 'Decoding Love' objašnjava da nam u ljubavi od velike pomoći mogu biti statistika i nauka.
Kako navesti slobodnog muškarca da vam priđe?
Ugledali ste zgodnog muškarca na drugom kraju sobe, a ne znate kako da ga navedete da vam priđe? Uputiti se prema njemu i ponuditi mu piće ne čini vam se baš kao najbolja ideja. Uostalom, istraživanja su pokazala da muškarci doživljavaju negativno žene koje preuzimaju inicijativu.
Nauka nam, dakle, govori da uspeh zavisi od malih i suptilnih, najčešće neverbalnih znakova. Kontakt očima u kombinaciji s osmehom najvažniji je faktor uspeha.
Ostvarite li kontakt očima nekoliko puta, ali taj signal niste popratili osmehom, sve je uzaludno. Statistički podaci govore da imate tek 20 odsto šansi za uspeh. Da biste zaista bile uspešne, potrebno je da nekoliko puta uhvatite njegov pogled i pritom mu se nasmešite. U takvim slučajevima oko 60 posto muškaraca prići će vam i započeti razgovor.
Za sve one žene koje misle da nisu dovoljno privlačne, evo jedne dobre vesti. Broj signala koji šaljete puno više znači od toga kako izgledate. Prema istraživanju psihologinje Monike Mur, muškarci ne prilaze najviše najprivlačnijim ženama, već onima koje najčešće šalju signale.
Ženama koje pošalju više od 35 signala u periodu od jednog sata priđu u proseku četiri muškarca. Doduše, 35 signala je puno, ali ko kaže da je lako upecati muškarca?
Znamo li se?
Pre nego što krenete s kuknjavom zbog toga što nema slobodnih muškaraca u vašem životu, osvrnite se oko sebe i pogledajte malo bolje svoje muške prijatelje i razmislite sviđa li vam se koji. Dokazano je da muškarce dvostruko više privlače prijateljice nego što žene privlače muški prijatelji.
Čitaj mi s usana
Nošenje ruža može povećati šanse kod suprotnog spola. Pokazalo se da žena na muškarce ostavlja puno jači utisak ako ima našminkana usta.
Šta možete da naučite od plesačica u noćnim klubovima
Da bi saznao što to zaista na ženama privlači muškarce, psiholog Džefri Miler sa Univerziteta u Novom Meksiku sproveo je istraživanje u kojem su učestvovale plesačice u krilu.
One se uvek trude da izgledaju što seksipilnije i privlačnije jer to, naravno, direktno utiče na napojnice koje primaju. Međutim, istraživanje je pokazalo da iznos koji dobijaju varira od nedelje do nedelje, što je direktno povezano s menstrualnim ciklusom.
Naime, za vreme plodnih dana plesačice su primale najveće napojnice. Naučnici veruju da je to zato što muškarci odgovaraju na suptilne poruke, miris tela i dimenzije struka i bokova koji se malo promene u vreme ovulacije.
Druga istraživanja su takođe pokazala da su muškarcima najprivlačnije žene u vreme ovulacije, a veruje se da je to zato što im se skoro neznatno promeni boja usana i kože, a i zenice su im raširenije.
Kako uništiti izlazak na večeru
Agencija za spajanje ljudi “It's Just Lunch” obavila je istraživanje da bi saznala šta njihovi korisnici najviše mrze prilikom izlaska. Na taj način došlo se do odličnih saveta o tome šta treba izbegavati, a čega se pridržavati na večeri s potencijalnim partnerom:
- 46 posto ljudi kaže da ih najviše može ohladiti partnerovo telefoniranje za vreme večere
- 41 posto se odmah ohladi ukoliko je partner neugodan prema osoblju
- 26 posto muškaraca i 37 posto žena ne podnose kad partner previše priča o sebi
- 30 posto se odmah ohladi ukoliko druga strana priča o bivšem
Zavisnji o ljubavi?
Postoji velik broj naučnih dokaza za to da zaljubljenost deluje na mozak na razne čudne načine. Poznato je da aktivira iste delove mozga kao i opsednutost, manija i intoksikacija. Jedno je istraživanje dokazalo da su područja u mozgu koja aktivira kokain ista ona koja se aktiviraju kad se ljubavnicima pokaže fotografija njihovog partnera.
Zaljubljeni ljudi, osim toga, imaju visoke nivoe prirodnog amfetamina PTA koji nalazimo i u čokoladi. To objašnjava zašto ćemo lako podneti radni dan nakon neprospavane burne noći u društvu ljubavnika.
Jedna od hemikalija koje se ispuštaju kad smo zaljubljeni je i oksitocin, a on otapa stare neuralne mreže kako bi mogle da nastupe promene u mozgu. Zbog toga nam je puno lakše da prebolimo staru ljubav i pronađemo novu.
Kako navesti slobodnog muškarca da vam priđe?
Ugledali ste zgodnog muškarca na drugom kraju sobe, a ne znate kako da ga navedete da vam priđe? Uputiti se prema njemu i ponuditi mu piće ne čini vam se baš kao najbolja ideja. Uostalom, istraživanja su pokazala da muškarci doživljavaju negativno žene koje preuzimaju inicijativu.
Nauka nam, dakle, govori da uspeh zavisi od malih i suptilnih, najčešće neverbalnih znakova. Kontakt očima u kombinaciji s osmehom najvažniji je faktor uspeha.
Ostvarite li kontakt očima nekoliko puta, ali taj signal niste popratili osmehom, sve je uzaludno. Statistički podaci govore da imate tek 20 odsto šansi za uspeh. Da biste zaista bile uspešne, potrebno je da nekoliko puta uhvatite njegov pogled i pritom mu se nasmešite. U takvim slučajevima oko 60 posto muškaraca prići će vam i započeti razgovor.
Za sve one žene koje misle da nisu dovoljno privlačne, evo jedne dobre vesti. Broj signala koji šaljete puno više znači od toga kako izgledate. Prema istraživanju psihologinje Monike Mur, muškarci ne prilaze najviše najprivlačnijim ženama, već onima koje najčešće šalju signale.
Ženama koje pošalju više od 35 signala u periodu od jednog sata priđu u proseku četiri muškarca. Doduše, 35 signala je puno, ali ko kaže da je lako upecati muškarca?
Znamo li se?
Pre nego što krenete s kuknjavom zbog toga što nema slobodnih muškaraca u vašem životu, osvrnite se oko sebe i pogledajte malo bolje svoje muške prijatelje i razmislite sviđa li vam se koji. Dokazano je da muškarce dvostruko više privlače prijateljice nego što žene privlače muški prijatelji.
Čitaj mi s usana
Nošenje ruža može povećati šanse kod suprotnog spola. Pokazalo se da žena na muškarce ostavlja puno jači utisak ako ima našminkana usta.
Šta možete da naučite od plesačica u noćnim klubovima
Da bi saznao što to zaista na ženama privlači muškarce, psiholog Džefri Miler sa Univerziteta u Novom Meksiku sproveo je istraživanje u kojem su učestvovale plesačice u krilu.
One se uvek trude da izgledaju što seksipilnije i privlačnije jer to, naravno, direktno utiče na napojnice koje primaju. Međutim, istraživanje je pokazalo da iznos koji dobijaju varira od nedelje do nedelje, što je direktno povezano s menstrualnim ciklusom.
Naime, za vreme plodnih dana plesačice su primale najveće napojnice. Naučnici veruju da je to zato što muškarci odgovaraju na suptilne poruke, miris tela i dimenzije struka i bokova koji se malo promene u vreme ovulacije.
Druga istraživanja su takođe pokazala da su muškarcima najprivlačnije žene u vreme ovulacije, a veruje se da je to zato što im se skoro neznatno promeni boja usana i kože, a i zenice su im raširenije.
Kako uništiti izlazak na večeru
Agencija za spajanje ljudi “It's Just Lunch” obavila je istraživanje da bi saznala šta njihovi korisnici najviše mrze prilikom izlaska. Na taj način došlo se do odličnih saveta o tome šta treba izbegavati, a čega se pridržavati na večeri s potencijalnim partnerom:
- 46 posto ljudi kaže da ih najviše može ohladiti partnerovo telefoniranje za vreme večere
- 41 posto se odmah ohladi ukoliko je partner neugodan prema osoblju
- 26 posto muškaraca i 37 posto žena ne podnose kad partner previše priča o sebi
- 30 posto se odmah ohladi ukoliko druga strana priča o bivšem
Zavisnji o ljubavi?
Postoji velik broj naučnih dokaza za to da zaljubljenost deluje na mozak na razne čudne načine. Poznato je da aktivira iste delove mozga kao i opsednutost, manija i intoksikacija. Jedno je istraživanje dokazalo da su područja u mozgu koja aktivira kokain ista ona koja se aktiviraju kad se ljubavnicima pokaže fotografija njihovog partnera.
Zaljubljeni ljudi, osim toga, imaju visoke nivoe prirodnog amfetamina PTA koji nalazimo i u čokoladi. To objašnjava zašto ćemo lako podneti radni dan nakon neprospavane burne noći u društvu ljubavnika.
Jedna od hemikalija koje se ispuštaju kad smo zaljubljeni je i oksitocin, a on otapa stare neuralne mreže kako bi mogle da nastupe promene u mozgu. Zbog toga nam je puno lakše da prebolimo staru ljubav i pronađemo novu.
B92
Nicole Kidman holds hands with her husband Keith Urban while carrying her daughter Sunday Rose in Sydney, Australia on Monday (March 8).
The 42-year-old Hawaiian-born actress skipped the Oscars this year and decided to relax back in Australia this year. Nic is reportedly attached to a new project called The Wedding Doctor, where she would play a relationship analyst.
The 42-year-old Hawaiian-born actress skipped the Oscars this year and decided to relax back in Australia this year. Nic is reportedly attached to a new project called The Wedding Doctor, where she would play a relationship analyst.
Just Jared
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